You can’t make this stuff up, guys. When we ate breakfast at the Main Track Café, that I discussed yesterday, I was so enamored of the menu that I asked Sparkle-Server if I could keep one. The menu was side-barred throughout with helpful hints about the healthful benefits of vegetables. I have to just quote one, in its entirety:
Radishes:
They have the amazing ability to wash out body fats quickly and easily. Radishes not only help scrub the mucous membranes of your body, but they also have the power to loosen and remove encrusted fatty clumps in the cells. They contain high concentrations of iron and magnesium, which dissolves fat, wash it away and establish the proper liquid environment needed for healthy tissues. Chew radishes well to release the nutrients that help wash out fat.
You know, I REALLY hate it when fatty clumps get encrusted inside my cells.
Every description of vegetables in this menu was centered around how various nutrients can wash out or dissolve or melt fat clumps right out of your cells! Or, if washing and dissolving aren’t quite enough for you, try a cooked carrot which
Speed up your vital systems, followed by a scrubbing or vibration reaction on your adipose ells. Fatty particles are dislodged and prepared for prompt elimination.
Seriously, I am NOT making this stuff up. Here’s proof:
Who knew celery was a great source of Vitamin A and cures rheumatism?
I expected them to offer high colonics for dessert (which reminds me of my upcoming post: Crossing into the U.S. from Canada in Your Car: You Think the TSA is Bad), acupuncture, or having our backs cracked just for good measure. Most of the vegetables described weren’t on the menu, by the way.
The restaurant was pleasant, with a nice fireplace and a pretty good breakfast, as well as the entertainment provided by the menu. If you don’t know what is wrong with the descriptions of the vegetables, well, you need to spend more time on Science-Based Medicine.
P.S. Did you know tomatoes eliminate fatty clumps from your bloodstream, thereby creating a watery environment? No shit! I did not know this!
Two Different Girls 
so if I eat radishes with my fat —-
Ya know, I’m not sure I want things “prepared for prompt elimination.” Especially if I’m driving. I’m all for scrubbing mucous membranes though.
Jeff, you should try lettuce, then. The darker ones VIGOROUSLY loosen fatty accumulations in your cells